{six impossible things}

Hello again

2010-08-13T19:58:00.000-07:00

That basically sums up my life, after I get home from work. Today I opened at the restaurant and stayed an hour later to help out. Long day! After window shopping for a bit, I finally headed home and into my pajamas. I love baggy t-shirts and cozy pants, I practically live in them at home! As usual, life has been hectic and super busy (which I am working on...I need some zen in my life). Since I missed Music and Much Love Monday, here is a song that I have been loving recently. I hope you like it!

(image from here)

Music and Much Love Monday #6

2010-08-02T00:15:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, my roomie and I went to the Vancouver Pride 2010 Parade. It was a great day! The first picture is of the car following a married couple in their wedding dresses as the crowed cheered them on (that picture didn't turn out so well). They looked so beautiful and happy that I started tearing up. The parade was an exciting, happy event full of many LGBT supportive organizations, schools and businesses, people of all sexual orientations and backgrounds, bright colours, and semi-nude people. All in all, it was unlike anything I have ever experienced before! I love Vancouver.

{this monday i am loving}

That I am a healthy young woman with an amazing family, a wonderful group of friends, and a loving boyfriend, who is privileged enough to live, work, and study in Vancouver - Although I sometimes forget to stop and think about it, I am so thankful for everything I have.
My boyfriend, as always. (P.s. I miss you).
That I will see the whole family this weekend :)
Vancouver Pride 2010!
The real start to my summer - no more term papers or exams 'til September!
Seeing a friend who had been in Paris for a month and hearing her stories.
That I have work every day this week - yay for more shifts!
That I am going to check out a Buddhist temple this week.
The Pillars of the Earth miniseries:
Stop motion art from the kind over matter flickr group.
Quadron - an "electric soul" group from Denmark. Here is one of their songs:

QUADRON "Slippin" (Unofficial) video from jenna mangulad on Vimeo.

Tell Anna what you are loving this Monday!

Finally free

2010-07-31T16:59:00.000-07:00

I am back! It took all of my willpower to not post things on the blog over the past week. I've been crazy busy with a term paper and my final exam and now I am finally done for the summer! After I got off work yesterday, I felt so free!

Today has been a quiet day at home. I had to reply to a bunch of emails from the past two weeks and I am now up to date. One of the things on my list of new things to try/do before September 2011 is to start reading Buddhist scriptures, and I started reading the Dhammapada yesterday! I'll write more on that later. Do any of you know much about Buddhism?

Tonight, one of my roomies and I are going to watch the fireworks from kits beach. I remember watching them the summer before grade 12, I can't believe that so much time has passed since then!

This is something that I found on kind over matter this week. It made me smile (especially at the ending) and I found the message to be pretty inspiring.

Have a nice weekend :)

(image from here)

Life in a day

2010-07-24T01:42:00.000-07:00

Are any of you participating in this? Tomorrow, well today now, I am going home to be with my family - I might bring my camera with me to film the flight over and everyone at the lake house. I can't wait to see the finished documentary!

'80s love and roomie silliness

2010-07-23T21:51:00.000-07:00

Despite something in my life that I have not yet been able to post about, today was a good day. Work was crazy busy but it kept my mind off of things. After dinner, my roomies and I had a great time being silly and watching '80s music videos and parody videos. We came across a couple of crazy videos for the some of the songs we love! Here are some of them:

I love this song but I'd never seen the video before. Anyone know what those things flying around are?

Who came up the ideas for these movies? Here is the "literal version," its pretty great!

I'm just including this one because I love Pat Benatar!

Now we are going through Heart, and into the '70s with Air Supply, and ABBA - this is making me so much happier :)

What are some of your favourite 70s/80s artists and songs?

Music and Much Love Monday #5

2010-07-19T11:45:00.000-07:00

Well, here we are again...another Monday. It feels like this summer is flying by! This weekend was lovely. Although I worked all day on Saturday, I enjoyed it! The flow of customers at the restaurant was steady but not hectic and I had the chance to get to know some of my my co-workers better. Turns out, one of the girls was in two of the same classes as me! Anyway, here is my list of things I am loving this Monday. I am stressed out today and dreading this week because of my term paper due on Thursday, but I need to remind myself that there are great things about today!

{this monday i am loving)

That I have a whole day to work on my essay.
Having a movie night with a good friend and listening to her brother sing Bon Iver songs and play his guitar.
Hanging out with my friends on the beach this weekend, day and night.
My sketchbook/scrapbook - I have recently become so inspired to create! I've ordered some of my photos online and I am excited to start using them in my sketchbook.
Getting paid last week...yay!
My new shoes!
The Sketchbook Project - I like the premise, but I don't think that I would be able to let my sketchbook go! After I finish my current one I might participate in it.
This song:

Not only do I love the song, but I also love the music video. It was filmed so beautifully and, since the ballet dancer is male, it is completely unique and unlike anything I've seen before. Since we as a society are not used to seeing young men dance ballet or do things that society perceives as "feminine," the video may shock or confuse some people. I, for one, think that it is lovely. I was looking at the comments from viewers on Youtube, and it seems like there are a lot of close-minded or homophobic people out there. Maybe those who found the video beautiful and saw the deeper meaning within it chose not to write their comments alongside those who called it "disturbing." I think that we should break gender norms and blur the lines of masculine and feminine. Its only a social construct. I hope that you enjoyed it, let me know what you think!

Tell Anna what you are loving this Monday!

(image from here)

To my love,

2010-07-17T01:14:00.000-07:00

The other night I read through quite a few of our messages from that incredibly long summer. Here are some things that we wrote to one another that made me smile....

"I am so glad you are smaller than me, that way I will always be the one holding you"

-You to me, July 23rd, 2009

"More than anywhere else in the world, I would rather be in your arms."

-Me to you , July 12th, 2009

Your arms are still my favourite place in the world.

I love you

xoxo

(image source unknown)

And now for something adorable

2010-07-14T21:57:00.000-07:00

Meet the sloths from Amphibian Avenger on Vimeo.

I may have to go find myself a sloth now, they are the cutest little creatures I've ever seen! Their little faces make my heart melt; I think that I had a smile on my face the entire length of the film!

Read the story behind the film here.

Doodling, waiting, and starting again

2010-07-13T23:22:00.000-07:00

Today was beautiful, not at all the blah day that the cloudy morning seemed to reveal. Tonight I had my 3 hour Greek and Roman Art and Archaeology course, most of which was spent discussing the four styles of wall painting at Pompeii. During this class there is a 15 minute break and, other than a quick bathroom stop, I'm left with not much to do. So, while waiting for class to begin again, I doodled.

I doodled during my break, while waiting for the bus, and while on the bus. (I'm not so enamored with the face, but I quite like the rest of it.) I used to doodle constantly but, probably due to the ridiculous amount of notes I take during class, did not do any at all this year. Obviously this isn't a grand piece of artwork but it made me happy!

Recently, I've started painting again as well. This is an (unfinished) abstract piece, one of many, from a little while ago:

Last week I brought my easel and painting supplies to my apartment and I am incredibly excited to start painting!

Beautiful things on a blah morning

2010-07-13T08:01:00.000-07:00

Crisp shirts, classic skirts, and beautiful bookcases....

Standing out from the crowd with a certain something and a pop of colour......

Graceful people: Grace Kelly and Audrey Hepburn....

I hope that you have a beautiful day!

(image one, two & three)

Music and Much Love Monday #4

2010-07-12T14:43:00.000-07:00

{this monday i am loving}

The wonderful weekend I had with my boyfriend :)
Our loose plans for traveling through Europe next summer.
That tonight I will see a couple of friends that I haven't seen in months and hear their amazing travel stories.
That I have more shift hours this week - much needed for this starving student.
Documentaries! I've already watched two on this website. (Yes, I'm a bit of a nerd.)
My newly washed sheets.
The sun!
This song:

It reminds me of one of my friends who was in love with Keane and I consider it my theme song for grade 11, which now seems like ages ago. (The only other theme song I remember is my grade 9 one, "Everytime We Touch" by Cascada, because my friends and I made the silliest music video to it, complete with choreography and dancing on our desks. Oh grade 9.)

Tell Anna what you are loving this Monday!

p.s. If I haven't checked out your blog yet, and you would like me to, put a link in the comment section. I love looking at new blogs!

(image from here)

Quote of the day

2010-07-05T21:48:00.000-07:00

"I tried to be a sexual being...but I failed."

- P.R.

(image from here)

Music and Much Love Monday #3

2010-07-05T09:53:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I returned to my Vancouver home after a lovely weekend spent with my family at my island home. I hadn't been home since April, so the visit was much needed! I had a bad internet connection and no computer time so I wasn't able to update my blog or reply to comments. If you are new to my blog, welcome! Tell Anna what you are loving this Monday!

{this monday i am loving}

Nicola's comment on my last post - thank you :)
Spending a wonderful weekend with my family.
Yesterday's little putting competition and our relaxing morning practicing at the driving range.
The brunch my sister and I made for "parent's day."
Watching a pod of porpoises swim alongside the ferry.
All of the new books I have in my "to read" pile.
The week to come {I am excited to see my boyfriend on Friday!}
The transit system of Vancouver - unlike in my hometown, there is one!
Having my own fridge in my room - the communal one in our kitchen is on it's last legs and is currently leaking.
This song:

I love this song, it reminds me of many silly times spent singing loudly with my Korean roommate of 4 years. She taught me a few songs, not this one, but this was one of my favourites. My roomie loved the movie this cover was made for but I don't like the message it sends about body image. The original is by Blondie but I love this version because of the refrain; I always get shivers when she sings "Maria, Ave Maria."

(image from here)

Running

2010-06-29T15:04:00.000-07:00

Today I started running again, or easing my body into getting used to running. I am going to try to run at least 3 times a week. With my track record, this most likely won't happen, but its a good goal to have. After my active weekend, I realized that I like being active. I like how my body hurts after running, climbing, and jumping, at least today. My muscles really shouldn't hurt this much though, yesterday was excruciating! My back was in agony, which is understandable due to the scoliosis, but I need to get back into shape. The tough part is working up the nerve to go running. I am still a good sprinter but long distance has never been my cup of tea. My plan is to work up to it. Everyday, run one block more, do one more sit up, hold the plank for a little bit longer. Running today was much better than expected, it was actually nice. The cool but sunny weather was perfect for running and the movement loosened my unhappy muscles. I had my Ipod with me, providing a soundtrack to something that I would have otherwise found boring. It was peaceful.

(image from here or here)

Music and Much Love Monday #2

2010-06-28T11:35:00.000-07:00

I had the loveliest weekend with my boyfriend, friends, and new friends! There will be pictures and an explanation to follow. Tell Anna what you are loving this monday!

{this monday i am loving}

Having my boyfriend with me this past weekend and getting to know his brother.
Seeing my friend and staying at her lodge.
Exploring beaches and tidal pools.
Playing tag and trampoline games with the camp kids (my body hurts so much!)
Camping out in an island cave on the beach for the morning.
Spending monday with my roomie.
This song:

(image from here)

Lovely day downtown and in English Bay

2010-06-23T21:30:00.000-07:00

Today was lovely, it finally felt like summer! Instead of my usual wake up-work-home-class-home routine, I spent the day visiting friends and family while exploring Vancouver. I met my parents downtown for lunch at our usual place near the library. While waiting for my friend A.W, I did some shopping but the lines were ridiculous, so I gave up! We met up and walked along the beach in English Bay and talked. Both of us have been super busy this summer and haven't seen much of each other so it was nice to catch up - next time, I am excited for us to go to the Art Gallery! We grabbed dinner at a Greek place, which was yummy but extremely messy. I met C.L. downtown for crepes and tea later. I hadn't seen her for about a month so we had lots to talk about. It was awesome to see her! These are some of the pictures that I took at English Bay and during my walk home from the bus stop.

Someone's garage doors in Kits.

A couple of the flowers in the "Garden of Eda." My landlady has a gorgeous garden!

I hope that you had a lovely day too!

This kiss

2010-06-23T01:03:00.000-07:00

i love the moment
before the kiss
the teasing tension
lips inches away
tingling in anticipation
lightly brushing each other
fingers knotted in my hair
and through the spaces between mine
heavy breaths whisper on cheeks
eyes closing
bliss
a tentative tongue
explores my lips
the corners of mouth
an ache in the belly
the need for more
closer
faster
passionately
as if everything depends
on this kiss

Image from here

Poem by me

In other news....

2010-06-21T21:16:00.000-07:00

Here are a few articles that I have been reading over the past week:

L.A. Times reports high rates of STIs and unintentional pregnancy amongst 20-somethings.
Vanessa Carlton is "a proud bisexual woman."
Harvard's list of summer reads for undergrads.
Dr. Taylor questions the relevance of a high school education in relation to the "real world."
Recent university graduate, Dominick Bonny, relates some lessons learned after moving back home (i.e. Undergraduate education is a joke.)

What is your opinion on any of these?

(image from here)

Music and Much Love Monday #1

2010-06-21T00:33:00.000-07:00

So this is my first Music and Much Love Monday! Something like this has been much needed - monday tends to be my least favourite day of the week, right up there with wednesday. Every monday, I will be posting a picture that has a heart in it and mentioning something that I am currently loving. This is something that Anna has started on her blog, Much Love, and I adore it! Check out her blog for links to other people's loves.

P.s. I am such a Star Wars nerd, I actually had Star Wars lego. Along with the Indiana Jones and James Bond movies, I was practically raised on them. My dad had quite the influence on what I watched as a kid!

{this monday I am loving}

My boyfriend
The smell of freshly cooked jasmine rice. (Rice is what I survive on!)
PassiveAggressiveNotes.com. Like the author(s), I generally am not a fan of passive aggressiveness but they've managed to find some hilarious examples of it!
This song and its animated music video:

Have a lovely monday :)

(image from here)

Moments of Win

2010-06-20T15:22:00.000-07:00

Inspired by Sarah at Yes and Yes, I took a look through her Flikr pool, Moments of Win. These pictures document moments in people's lives in which they have accomplished something or tried something new and exciting. Now I want to start looking through my pictures to add something! These were my favourites from the group:

Cinque Terre Hike

"Last July, I fulfilled a long time dream of hiking through Cinque Terre, Italy. I did the 5 hour hike by myself and it was one of the most incredible and beautiful moments of my life."

I have always loved Italy! Although I wouldn't really call myself the hiking type, I would love to walk around and explore Italy in any way possible. Maybe I could be persuaded to hike if it was in my favourite country!

Pale, Tired, and DONE!

"Right after finishing the SF Marathon (26.2 miles, baby!), July 2009!"

I am so incredibly impressed. I don't think that I'll ever run a marathon but I would like to get better at running long distance.

The Mad Scientist

"This was my first burlesque show. I was absolutely terrified of going on stage, doing my choreography and finally taking all my clothes off in front of strangers. But it was one of the most liberating and awesome moments of my life. "

I have secretly (or not-so-secretly) wanted to do this pretty much my whole life, ever since I learned about Matahari while still in elementary school. Even though I was shy, awkward, and definitely nerdy, I always knew that one day I would want to try burlesque.

I don't think that I have any pictures of recent personal moments of win, other than graduation in' 09, but here is a general moment of win! This is the night that the Canadian men's hockey team won the gold! That night was one of the best nights of my life. I had a term paper due the next day, so I almost didn't go out, but I managed to tear myself away from it in so that I could be a part of something that I will probably never experience again. (Don't worry, I got the paper in on time). A large group of my friends hopped on the bus from UBC to downtown, and everyone else on campus was doing the same! The bus was full of students singing, meeting new people, and generally having the best time we've ever had while on public transit. Someone even brought a trumpet and was leading the bus in "Oh Canada" and songs like Olay Olay (don't know the actual name), "Hey Jude," and other songs that we all know. Everyone transferred to the same skytrain station and people on the streets were entranced by our loud, happy, and large group of red and white-clad (and some red, white, and blue-clad) university students.

This is how insanely busy Granville street was:

And people randomly bursting into Oh Canada (my friends are in the left corner):

Someone else's moment of win (I went to the finals for the Ladies Aerials, it was fantastic!):

And some Canadian pride:

I know that many people protested the Olympics and did not agree with many aspects of it, but for many people it was an amazing experience and definitely a moment, or a night, of win!

What are some of your moments of win?

Iron and Wine - Boy with a Coin

2010-06-18T08:52:00.000-07:00

Well, exams are over! I am so happy to be done! I think that I did ok, but not as well as I had hoped. My Greek Art and Archaeology exam was last night and it was much more difficult than I expected. I wrote over 13 pages because there were three 150-175 word answers and two 500 word answers, as well as an identification section. I really want to reach my grade goal for the summer but it is out of my hands now, I'll just have to wait and see!

Now I am heading back to work and into the real world. I am hoping that work won't be too busy today so I can ease back into it. These days cooped up at home, studying, have been hard on my fridge...I currently have nothing to eat and no time to grocery shop! Ok, that is a teensy bit dramatic. I have cereal, which I am going to finish off in about two minutes, chicken and rice, for dinner, and that about sums up the contents of my kitchen.

Anyway, I should get up and get ready so I don't miss the bus, which I have been known to do. Here is a song that I have been listening to quite a bit. I love the dancers, they are strong, elegant, proud, and beautiful all at the same time. I wish I could dance like that!

{happy moments of my day so far}

Waking up to a cute text from my boyfriend.
Noticing that I have a new follower!
I ran out of soap for the shower yesterday so I used a soap that I had been saving for a while. It is a English soap that smells absolutely lovely.

Lovely distractions

2010-06-17T12:05:00.000-07:00

I keep finding all sorts of amazing blogs, and while I am loving them, they are proving to be quite the distraction. I need to return to my textbooks so I will keep this short. One blog that stood out in particular was {this is glamorous}, a design and lifestyle blog. The author has an amazing eye for simple and elegant living spaces, two of which I will post below. I also love her little post headers!

I am quite taken with the little reading corner in light gray and the shabby chic bedroom! The colours are soft and subtle and look incredibly touchable. Both rooms are elegant while still being a little bit shabby, in the best of ways.

While I am stuck in my very student appropriate basement suite, with no spare cash for room decoration, I shall have to make do with pictures of other people's lovely homes. At least my landlady has a beautiful garden. Here is a look into the garden of Eda from my bedroom.

All images, except for the last one, belong to {this is glamorous} and the sources she has cited for them.
({this is glamorous}: {two lovely things: light & lavender})

Summery things

2010-06-16T21:06:00.000-07:00

Whew! One exam down, one to go. I think that I did pretty good, hopefully I got 80% or above so I can reach my B+/A goal for the summer. We shall see. The next one is a midterm so I am a little less worried about it.

And now for something frivolous. These are some of the things that I am loving right now!

I made this collage on this site that I found. I can tell that I am going to be addicted!

(Adorable hair clips found here)

Although I am saving up for Europe and life in general, I really want a poufy knee-length skirt, a cute summer dress, and a Coach wrist-let. I haven't felt very summery yet. Now that one of my classes are over, maybe I'll make more of an effort to spend time outside and dress up more.

The lives of pet frogs

2010-06-16T11:46:00.000-07:00

A couple of days ago, my roomie and I finally mustered the courage to change the water in the bowl in which 4 little water frogs, belonging to D.M., reside. Blech, that was a rather unpleasant process! It was worth it though, the poor things look more lively now and I don't feel guilty whenever I see the froggies. I can't say the same about Senor, the fish in a different bowl....we will get to him later.

Whenever I look over at the fish and the frogs, I always think about how mundane and pointless their existence is. For humans they are cute, they look good sitting on the mantle, and you can have fun feeding them and looking at them, but for them, what is the point of it all? Usually they just float, motionless, for a large portion of the day. What is the point of life if you are just going to stay in one place, with no interaction with others like you, wholly dependent on someone else- for food, a clean home.

Do they think? Do they wonder about the world outside their little glass bowls? Are they happy? Do they even feel happiness?

(Julian Wolkenstein taken from Marieaunet)

Some thoughts on thinking

2010-06-15T19:38:00.000-07:00

As I was walking to class, 10 or so minutes ago, I realized that behind my jumbled and various thoughts on things like my day, my exam tomorrow, and trying to remember the dream I had last night, as well as Lenka's The Show running on repeat, I was counting. I don't know why or what I was counting, maybe my steps, but I was at 30 by the time I realized it. As soon as I acknowledged the counting, it took over. And then I was thinking about counting. Usually the counting that I found hidden in the depths of my mind is some song, or sometimes a quote or a line of something that resonated with me. While this may be odd for everyone else, the counting has happened to me once or twice before.

It just made me wonder what everyone else, the 15 or so people I passed on my way to class, was thinking. Whenever asked which super power I would like, my answer is always flight. Now I want to hear people's thoughts, not so I can know what they were thinking about me, but so I can hear the buzz of human thought and find out if there are patterns or reoccurring themes. What do people think about? Why? Their faces give away nothing of their thoughts, everyone was equally blank faced as I was. We were all enclosed in our own worlds.

I remember briefly wondering, when I was very young, whether other people thought at all. Maybe they were zombies or robots with blank minds and deceiving, human-like, exteriors. I'm not sure where that odd egocentric thought came from. I knew they did, but I still wondered if I was the only one thinking. Was I the only child to ever think like that, even if it was only for a moment?

Sometimes, for various reasons, I think that my mind is odd. While I sleep, my mind does not rest. Sometimes I will wake up with a solution to something I had been pondering the night before. Often, I have vivid, crazy, and/or exciting dreams, some of which I should really write down because they would make great short stories. Sometimes I will have Dream: Part 1 one night, and then Part 2 the next night. During the day, it never ceases. There are always many thoughts or songs that my mind flips though, ponders, enjoys, worries about, and eventually either stores away or forgets.

Also, it has the lovely habit of wanting to write or be creative while I am supposed to be spending my time doing something else, like studying or paying attention in class, which I will now do.

Do other people think things like this?

(image from The Little Blog of Happiness)

Women, sexuality, and birth control in advertising

2010-06-15T01:31:00.000-07:00

Today I decided to go back on the pill. I stopped a couple of months ago just so that everything would go back to normal, as well as to see whether or not it was causing health issues. I didn't come to any major conclusions, other than the fact that I really dislike not having the pill as an extra precaution, so I decided to give it another try.

I found this advertisement a while back, although I am not sure where from. It is incredibly interesting to compare this old Yasmin as to the modern ads in magazines and on T.V. The current ones feature well-dressed, thin, beautiful, racially diverse teenage girls frolicking with their friends and living popular, carefree, excitement-filled lives...with no allusion to sex at all. This is similar to the tampon ads which feature carefree, happy, dancing women, the opposite of most women during that time of the month, without any mention of the use of the product.

The older ad is all about sex and seems to target an older market of women. The woman is mature, curvy, flirtatious, and receptive of the attention from her ecstatic male admirers. It sends the message that men will find you irresistible once you are on the pill, while the newer ads send a message about lifestyle - if you start taking the pill, you will have the freedom, excitement, and popularity that these girls experience, which presumably will occur in all areas of your life. At least the older one addresses what the product is about, even though it does convey a more sexualized message.

It is interesting how the depiction of women, sexuality, and birth control in advertising has changed over the years.

Just sexual

2010-06-15T00:00:00.000-07:00

"I'm not homosexual, I'm not heterosexual, I'm just sexual."

-Michael Stipe

Pixels - Patrick Jean

2010-06-13T15:09:00.000-07:00

PIXELS by Patrick Jean from ONE MORE PRODUCTION on Vimeo.

Lenka - The Show

2010-06-12T19:39:00.000-07:00

I love this song :) It was the theme song to my first year of university. I used to be obsessed with it! I like this video better though.

Slightly morbid thoughts on mortality

2010-06-10T22:52:00.000-07:00

On the bus home last night, I contemplated mortality. Not only mine, everyone's. I'm sorry if this makes anyone depressed, I'm just making a few observations.

In my Greek and Roman Mythology class, I have been studying the stories of people who lived (if they existed at all) but are now dead. Due to their excellent deeds, "labours," or achievements, the heroes of Greek Mythology, as well as their families, companions, lovers, and adversaries, have been remembered in the collective mind of oral tradition and later immortalized in the written word. But they are dead, just like everyone else who was born before or after them.

What about those who did not achieve "kleos" (the eternal fame of Greek heroes)? Those who history will not remember? Most of the people crowded onto this tin can of a bus, including me? The billions of anonymous human beings who are/were each the protagonists of their own life stories? In terms of the universe and the vast expanse of time, everyone on this planet will be dead soon, and in our places our descendants will live on.

Why, if life is so short and most of us will not be remembered, do we try so hard? Why do we care so much? Why do we worry and agonize over things that will not matter in 5, 10, or 50 years?

All of this leads us back to two ancient questions:

What is the value of human life?

and

What is the meaning of life?

Are we given our short time on this planet to find love? Happiness? Success? (Whatever that is.) To procreate? If so, to what end? I know that I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, the first to ask those questions, and nor will I be the last.

So, why do the two exams that I have next week matter?

I suppose, though, if we all lived as if nothing in life mattered, life probably wouldn't be worth living.

(Image from post secret)

Textbooks are ruining my life, or something less dramatic.

2010-06-10T19:45:00.000-07:00

This summer I have been oddly restless when it comes to books. I used to devour books whole, my hunger never fully satiated. In one week, I'd read two, three, or four and still be hunting for my next read. I would lose myself in them. Even if the book wasn't terribly good, I'd finish it anyway. During times when I couldn't have a book with me, I'd read everything with writing on it- whether it was a cereal box or every soap and shampoo bottle in the shower. When I lacked good books, I would read old favourites over and over again - I've read The Chrysalids at least six times, same with Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone.

I'm not like this anymore, and I miss it. I have four books with which I am currently struggling; I will start reading one and then 20 pages later I will lose interest and then end up trying to read one of the other books. I am reading Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov, Trinity by Leon Uris, The Power of One by Bryce Courtenay, and Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte, but I haven't picked up the last two in over a month.

Maybe I'm just tired of reading textbooks. I have two that I have had to power read this summer. I suppose reading for fun doesn't really exist for me anymore, especially if I have to think about what I'm reading. I find myself wanting to shut my brain off whenever I don't have classes, work, or homework.

Hopefully that will change soon. I miss reading because I want to. I miss staying up late with great book, so unbelievably exhausted but unable to put it down because I am not yet ready to leave the world in my head that has been painted by the words on the pages.

When I get home, though, I will have to read my textbooks.
I guess I'll be responsible and do that, especially since I am not paying attention in class right now.

(image from fuck you very much)

Yann Tiersen - Rue des Cascades

2010-06-10T18:14:00.000-07:00

I love this.

Regrets

2010-06-09T21:58:00.000-07:00

(Image from a softer world)

Just quiet/ And alone

2010-06-08T16:40:00.001-07:00

I spent the day
Sitting in my bed.
There was no reason
For me to leave.
The rustling
And moving
Of people through
Our apartment
Was faceless.
I have class tonight.
I may go;
I may not.
The chance to sit
And stay,
Quiet,
Contently alone
(For once),
Does not often
Present itself to me.
I am tired
Emotionally,
Physically,
Mentally,
Why?
I have not eaten
But I am not hungry.
I am numb.
I lie here,
Unfeeling,
But not unhappy.
Just quiet
And alone.

Image from marieaunet - Ramon Casas, "Decadence" (1899).
Poem by me.

This is who I am

2010-06-08T12:21:00.000-07:00

This is who I am,
It is a part of me.
It was never a lie
Or even a secret:
It was simple unknown
To me,
To everyone else,
And it is still unknown,
And foreign,
But welcome.
This is who I am,
I am not ashamed,
Saying it feels right.
I wont yell it
From the rooftop,
Although I have that urge;
They will find out
Soon enough.
This is who I am,
It is a part of me
I hope they will accept
But that may be naive.
This is who I am,
It is a part of me.
It was never a lie
Or even a secret:
It was simply unknown
To me.

Image from fuck you very much.
Poem by me.

Princess Crocodile - Gry

2010-06-07T16:53:00.000-07:00

I am absolutely in love with this song!

India Today - Girls drugged into puberty, sold as prostitutes (May 27th, 2010)

2010-06-04T20:52:00.000-07:00

Today, I found this article, Girls drugged into puberty, sold as prostitutes (May 27, 2010), on the website of India Today. The article focused on the drugging of young girls to speed up the process of sexual maturity in order to sell these girls into prostitution. Here is my short summary of the article and my response.

According to the article, a team of reporters uncovered a prostitution racket in two villages in Rajasthan. In these villages, the people involved in the prostitution racket were giving girls as young as 10 years old repeated shots of Oxytocin, a growth hormone to speed up the sexual maturation of their bodies so that they could enter the sex trade sooner.

Oxytocin is well known as a growth hormone used by farmers in both vegetable crops and cattle in order to cause them to mature faster, grow bigger, and yield more. Despite the fact that there is no cattle or crop farming in the area, the article states that the drug is available over the counter and "almost every chemist stocks Oxytocin."

The drug causes several hormonal changes and, along with early puberty, the girls develop feelings of love, trust, and sexual arousal. The consequences of this misuse affects the central nervous system and can include seizures and other side-effects.

According to a social activist who was interviewed for the article, "Gangs from the Bedia and Nutt communities kidnap girls, give them injections to reach puberty. The girls are then sent to Mumbai and even the Gulf for prostitution." One man stated that "Prostitution is a tradition in our community," a view shared by another man who stated that "The families are into prostitution since generations" and gives 1947 as the date of the establishment of this trade in the village. The article states that the villagers raise the kidnapped girls, some who are still infants, "as their own daughters."

The result of this drug misuse is that 7 year old girls look so convincingly like adolescents that the traffickers are able to forge the ages on their documents. Due to the main industry of these villages, the gender ration highly favours girls, unlike most villages in India. According to the article, the Rajasthan police "denied any prostitution racket in the area or the use of Oxytocin injections on girls," despite the evidence.

What kind of world do we live in that people in positions of authority would turn a blind eye to child prostitution in the name of "tradition"? Traditions like this one, such as genital mutilation and other harmful practices, should be made illegal and the law should be enforced by those in authority positions so that those who break the law are properly punished.

Reading articles like this one makes me feel sick to my stomach. I have read articles about organizations protesting hormone-fed foods, but what about hormone-fed children? Is there an activist group for that? How is this allowed to continue in a world that professes to value children and their rights?

I am not condemning the sex industry, I am condemning the ages of the girls, the health risks involved in this practice, and the lack of consent. These girls do not have a choice. They did not make informed decisions to sell their bodies, they were raised to do it. There is also the issue of loss of innocence as a very young age. At six or seven, or any age for that matter, a girl should not be subjected to growth hormone shots or prostitution. They have been robbed of their childhoods and their futures.

Destino - Salvador Dali and Walt Disney

2010-06-04T00:30:00.000-07:00

La Valse d'Amelie - Yann Tiersen

2010-06-03T12:44:00.000-07:00

I feel so melancholy and drained of energy. I just want to crawl back into bed and sleep.
I want to shut my mind off and lay in blissful ignorance of the world.
I am emotionally tired.

This song, and other Yann Tiersen songs, fits my mood perfectly. It is a bit more hopeful and less moody than I am feeling but it speaks to me right now.

Medinan suras

2010-06-03T00:10:00.001-07:00

I haven’t had much time to write recently. Classes and work have kept me incredibly busy and, to be honest, I just didn’t have the energy. Anyway, I’ve been wanting to write something about Islam for a while now because I find it intriguing. I have read portions of the Qur’an and studied it in class. There are so many beautiful passages in the Qur’an that contradict western society’s view of Muslims and the Middle East. Islam is probably the most misunderstood religion in our times. Despite the fact that it is a growing religion with millions of followers, a great portion of the western world chooses to fear or hate those who are Muslim. Although people who fear and hate Muslims condemn the Qur’an, it is not all violent, but nor is it entirely peaceful. Like the Hebrew Bible and the Christian Bible, the Qur’an contains elements of both. I will concentrate on the Meccan suras, the ones containing peaceful verses, another time.

In the Qur’an, there are the Meccan and Medinan suras, the former is believed to have been revealed to Muhammad earlier than the latter. While the Meccan suras are peaceful, the Medinan suras are militant and warlike and contradict the earlier suras. This is evident in Medinan verses commanding the reader to “...slay them (aqtuluhum) wherever you come upon them” (Baqara 2:191) and the “sword verse” which says, “Then when the sacred months are drawn away, slay (aqtulu) the idolaters (mushrikin) wherever you find them, and take them, and confine them, and lie in wait for them at every place of ambush” (al-Taubah 9:5). Verses such as those are the ones used by fanatic believers to rally followers to their cause. Some Muslims subscribe to the idea that the Medinan suras abrogate (or trump/cancel) the Meccan suras because they were revealed later. In Sura 2: The Cow (Medinan), it is written that “Any revelation We cause to be superseded or forgotten, We replace with something better or similar” (2:106). The 9th Sura (Repentance), which includes the sword verse, is believed to have been the last sura revealed to Muhammad and, therefore, it abrogates any verse more peaceful than it. Despite this, there are many peaceful people who, like the ones who are violent, call themselves Muslim. It makes me wonder, according to the Medinan suras and those who fervently believe in them, are peaceful Muslims going against the word of Allah?

So, what do you think?

(image from fuck you very much)

2010-06-02T14:00:00.000-07:00

Bananie, I am so sorry. You mean more to me than I can ever express and I don't want to lose you.
I hope that you can forgive me.

P.s. I Love You

2010-06-01T22:41:00.000-07:00

This is something that my amazing boyfriend made for me last week when I was having a really tough time with not seeing him for the past two months.

Thank you, my love.

somewhere i have never traveled

2010-05-30T11:40:00.000-07:00

somewhere i have never traveled, gladly beyond
any experience, your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully, mysteriously) her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the colour of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands

-e. e. cummings

The Seed - Johnny Kelly

2010-05-25T22:57:00.000-07:00

The Seed from Johnny Kelly on Vimeo.

You are loved

2010-05-25T15:23:00.000-07:00

My Favourite Things - Kids with Crayons

2010-05-24T11:18:00.000-07:00

My Favourite Things from kidswithcrayons on Vimeo.

Biederer - The Temptress (c. 1920)

2010-05-24T03:26:00.000-07:00

"I am always annoyed when people shame girls and women by calling them sluts. The very premise rests on the idea that sex is something that degrades women, which is a facet of sex-negativity. In a sex-positive world, calling someone out for having sex would make as much sense as calling them out for breathing or eating."

-Dr. Charlie Glickman
(Slut Shaming Doesn’t Sparkle)

(via Marieaunet)

Iceland, Eyjafjallajökull - May 1st and 2nd, 2010

2010-05-23T12:01:00.000-07:00

Iceland, Eyjafjallajökull - May 1st and 2nd, 2010 from Sean Stiegemeier on Vimeo.

To my love,

2010-05-22T00:17:00.000-07:00

I love you because….

You are unlike any other man I know.

You give me pep talks when I need them.

You understand me better than anyone.

You send me lovely good morning texts and sometimes tell me to get my lazy (or sexy) bum out of bed…. which is often needed.

You are proud of my accomplishments....and sometimes just proud of me for trying.

You are irresistible in every way…your intelligence, your personality, your blond hair and green eyes, your athletic body, your scruffy face (yes, I do like it…but only when your hair is short).

You are so good with my family…seeing you talking and joking around with my sister (and having a little shooting competition last summmer) and helping my parents make dinner
made me fall in love with you a little bit more.

You are open-minded and you continually question life and society.

You are a nerd!
:)
(a very cute one, I might add)

You do adorable things without realizing that you are being adorable.

You are gentle, loving, and caring.

You have the amazing ability to surprise me every once in a while.

You write beautiful letters.

You are supportive of me no matter what.

P.S. There are so many things that make me love you, I’ll add more to the list later.
I miss you

Sexual morality

2010-05-21T20:10:00.000-07:00

"People speak of 'sexual morality,’ but that is a misleading expression. There is no special morality for sex. No matter what you do with yourself, whether you go to bed with girls or with boys, and no matter what it occurs to you to do with them or with yourself, no moral rule applies to that sphere of activity other than the principles that govern every aspect of life: honesty, courage, common humanity, consideration."

-Jens Bjørnboe

Life unlabelled

2010-05-20T19:37:00.000-07:00

In my life, there are the benign labels of everyday: sister, daughter, student. Those are the ones I embrace. There are more labels that we are confronted with, and often use: female, male, white, asian, black, Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, Canadian, American, bitch, asshole, slut, prude, straight, bisexual, asexual, gay…the list goes on and on. Labels describe something about the person given that label. Sometimes they are needed. I’m guilty of labeling people. However, often a label can confine someone through the definition and the notions that people associate with that word. That is why I want to live life unlabelled. In an attempt to distance myself from the negative aspects of calling myself a feminist, instead of removing that label, I changed it to a more accurate one. I am an equality feminist. I am a female, a daughter, a sister, a student, a friend, a girlfriend, a lover of art, history, and music. Although those seem safe and I accept those labels, even our notion of gender brings expectations with it. In other cases, I wish to remove the labels. Religion: unlabelled. Sexuality: unlabelled. I don’t want people to look at the label and interpret it based on their preconceived notions of what, for example, a Muslim is. Society wants to place everyone and everything into neat and tidy boxes with proper labels explaining what each thing is, in a way that society can understand it. I am not neat and tidy, in that way at least. I don’t want to be described through headings and labels, they don’t give a correct picture of what, and who, I am. I am more complex than that.

(image from here)

Glee - A House Is Not A Home

2010-05-20T00:24:00.000-07:00

I teared up when I saw Kurt sing this on Glee, it was so powerful! I have listened to this song at least 15 times over the past two days, I am irrationally in love with it.

P.S. If anyone knows how to make it so that the whole thing is posted on my blog, and not cut off, let me know.

An equality feminist

2010-05-19T00:56:00.001-07:00

I am going to start calling myself an “equality feminist,” for lack of a better term. I dislike how labels, such as the idea of feminism and being a feminist, often bring unwanted meanings with them. There are many woman, and men, who call themselves feminists but have a different idea of the definition. I don’t want to be painted with the same brush as someone who also identifies as a feminist but bashes men at every chance she gets. Feminists are not all the same. For example, many people call themselves Christians, however, there are different sects and they do not all believe the exact same thing, sometimes just one foundational idea. For me, being a feminist means that I believe in gender equality and the empowerment of women. That does not bring with it the idea of female supremacy over males, a position that radical feminists support. My goal is equality.

(image from here)

Ladies Against Feminism

2010-05-17T13:04:00.000-07:00

Today, while avoiding my homework, I came across a website called http://www.ladiesagainstfeminism.com/. I was immediately intrigued because this idea goes against my beliefs and the way I was raised. After reading quite a few articles on feminism, birth control, abortion, and the way in which a woman should live her life, I realized that they were well written with well thought out arguments. The authors, and readers, seemed to be Christian women, of every age, who identified as “stay-at-home daughters” or Christian wives and mothers with multiple children, all of whom professed that their greatest goal was to glorify God, be godly wives and mothers, and create and maintain a Christian home. Although I could understand why many of the women loved the articles and agreed wholeheartedly with the authors, I did not agree with the entirety of any of them. Some points in a couple of the articles made sense to me, but the general idea was somewhat offensive in some cases. I consider myself a feminist, not a radical one, but a feminist nonetheless. I believe in gender equality, equality for people of any sexual orientation, and tolerance. I do not attack Christian women, their beliefs, or their lifestyles, no matter how much I may disagree with them. I came across an article called, The Pill: Making Motherhood “Better”? written by one of the founders of the website, Jennie Chancey on May 10, 2010. I have posted it below:

The Pill: Making Motherhood “Better”?

Every now and again, feminist thinking and the goals of feminism are demonstrated in the clearest terms and without varnish. An article in yesterday’s Washington Post about the 50th anniversary of the Pill is a perfect case in point:

Forget the single girl and the sexual revolution. The pill was not anti-mother; it was for mothers. And it changed motherhood more than it changed anything else. Its great accomplishment was not in preventing motherhood, but in making it better by allowing women to have children on their own terms.

Writer Elaine Tyler May goes on to celebrate the Pill as “the only sure way avoid being tied down by a continuous stream of babies.” Women wanting to have it all and do it all could now have their cake and eat it, too. They could enjoy a successful career without giving up sex to avoid having children. Then they could just turn off the switch when they felt ready and have babies when they wanted them…or could they?

But there is a bitter irony in the fact that the same pill that gave mothers the ability to combine childbearing and a career by controlling fertility has also led many women to delay childbearing so long that they jeopardize that fertility. Contraception makes it possible to postpone motherhood, but it doesn’t solve the problem of how to combine caring for children with going to work. As a result, many women wait to have a child until they are financially secure enough to afford child care.

And here’s where the rubber meets the road in the feminist Utopia — no matter how they try to control their lives and regulate their childbearing, putting career first and climbing the ladder of success, women are not any happier with the results:

In some sense, the pill let employers and the government off the hook by giving women the means to juggle jobs and families. [Margaret] Sanger and Katharine McCormick hoped that the pill would allow women to control their lives, but they did not count on women being stuck with such hard choices. For while mothers’ lives have changed over the past 50 years, the work world has lagged behind: Most jobs are still 9 to 5 — or longer — leaving little time to care for children. The cost of child care is, for many women, ruinously high. Paid parental leave is still too rare, and where it exists, usually too brief. For the most part, it is women who, aided by the pill, have adjusted to the demands of the workforce, rather than the other way around.

The pill may have been a gift to mothers. But 50 years on, it could use some new accessories. This Mother’s Day, instead of jewelry, candy or flowers, how about some more novel presents: lengthy paid parental leaves, government-supported child care and flex-time.

Do you see the unvarnished demands of feminism here? Let’s just break it down:

1. I want to set up life on my own terms, orienting my world to orbit around my own desires and needs. That means I’ll have a career when I want it and have children when I want them.
2. Children are nice when they are “convenient” and fit into my timeframe. I want to choose when that will be.
3. Wait a minute, this is not as easy as I thought it would be. I wanted the kids, but I really don’t want to lose my career, and child care is just too financially painful.
4. Government must come up with a solution for me so that this choice isn’t hard any more. I want my employer to pay for me to be a stay-at-home mom when I feel like it, then I want the government to pay for child care when I decide to go back to work. Oh, and I want flex time so that I can work when I feel like it.

Does the writer bother to break down the definition of “government-supported child care” for us? Nope. But I will. You and I are the government. It is our tax dollars that fund everything our government does. This writer wants a stay-at-home mother of nine and her hardworking husband (who supports his family as sole breadwinner) to cough up more tax dollars so she doesn’t have to face any “hard choices” or pay “ruinously high” amounts of money for other people to raise her children while she works. Pardon me if I sound just slightly incredulous, but does anyone else see the incredible inequity here?

Welcome to Feminism 2010.

I have personally struggled with the idea of how to have both a successful career and a family. Why go to university for 6+ years if I am just going to get married and have children right away, possibly becoming a stay-at-home mother without ever having the chance to be a document restorer? I want a career and I want children. Eventually I will have to figure out how I am going to make both work for myself and my future family. However, I am incredibly grateful that I have birth control available to me. I want to travel and experience life as a young adult before I become a parent, or a wife for that matter. What is wrong with wanting to have children on my own terms? At this point in my life, I am terribly unequipped to raise a child and it would be unfair to that child.

So, what do you think?

Ingrid Michaelson - You and I

2010-05-17T11:30:00.000-07:00

Keinohrhasen - A Rainy Day in Vancouver

2010-05-15T19:48:00.000-07:00

This is my life

2010-05-03T13:57:00.000-07:00

Well, it hit me more this morning when I woke up in my new room, made breakfast in my new little kitchen, scrubbed my new bathroom, walked from my apartment to the bus stop, and went to my job interview.

I've grown up.

I can do whatever I want.

I am so excited for the rest of my life.

Give a damn

2010-05-01T19:23:00.000-07:00

I give a damn.

Oren Lavie - Her Morning Elegance

2010-04-30T10:17:00.000-07:00

A Work Of Artifice by Marge Piercy

2010-04-30T02:24:00.000-07:00

The bonsai tree
in the attractive pot
could have grown eighty feet tall
on the side of a mountain
till split by lightning.

But a gardener
carefully pruned it.
It is nine inches high.

Every day as he
whittles back the branches
the gardener croons,

It is your nature
to be small and cozy,
domestic and weak;
how lucky, little tree,
to have a pot to grow in.

With living creatures
one must begin very early
to dwarf their growth:
the bound feet,
the crippled brain,
the hair in curlers,
the hands you
love to touch.

I found this poem interesting because of the the metaphor of the bonsai tree and the specific diction and imagery used to support it. In the beginning, Piercy introduces the image of the repression of the bonsai tree representing the oppression of women. Upon reading the words "domestic and weak," women sometimes being referred to as the "weaker sex," it is evident that Piercy deliberately chose those words because they paint a picture of both a small, contained bonsai tree as well as of a woman who is stripped of the opportunity to reach her full potential. As he "whittles back the branches," the gardener condescendingly tells the tree that it is its "nature to be small and cozy" when it could have grown "eighty feet tall" if it had been left alone. The images of the "bound feet" and "crippled brain" allude to the past brutal practice of binding the feet of Chinese women, as well as the limited opportunities for education for women in some cultures. The "bound feet" and "hair in curlers" are two more examples of artifice. Like the tree, women are/were altered to become more attractive to men, whether or not by choice. Athough, it is not entirely the gardener's fault. In the last line, Piercy seems to also blame women because many of them accept the roles/stereotypes/expectations forced upon them. Through diction and imagery, Piercy tells her audience that although this "containment" and artifice is acceptable in the case of trees, it is unacceptable in regard to women.

(image from fuck you very much)

Why not?

2010-04-30T01:25:00.000-07:00

You see things; and you say,

"Why?"

But I dream things that never were; and I say,

"Why not?”

-George Bernard Shaw

(This picture belongs to me).

Yann Tiersen - Les Jours Tristes

2010-04-29T12:23:00.001-07:00

What is normal?

2010-04-29T11:40:00.000-07:00

What is normal?

nor·mal
–adjective
1. conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.
2. serving to establish a standard.
3. Psychology.
a. approximately average in any psychological trait, as intelligence, personality, or emotional adjustment.
b. free from any mental disorder; sane.
(According to the Random House Dictionary)

I reject the idea of being "normal." No one is normal. One could be average, but not normal. Why “live normal” anyway? The things that are great or exciting about life are usually out of the norm.

Last night

2010-04-29T00:46:00.000-07:00

I've wished for this every night, not just last night.

New apartment

2010-04-28T16:45:00.000-07:00

I am excited for my friends and I to move into our new apartment!

This photo and some of the other ones on my blog are from http://fuckyouverymuch.dk. I love their images.

Guernica

2010-04-28T15:24:00.000-07:00

Picasso, Guernica, oil on canvas, 11’5” x 25’5”, 1937

I am aware that no one really reads what I write, but I’m going to start writing more anyway. Every day, I walked past a poster of this painting in the building that I had my high school language courses in and I never gave it much thought. Some days I would look at it and wonder about the people. What had happened to them? This year, I finally found out.

Guernica is a political and social commentary made by Picasso on the attack on the town of Guernica in the Basque region of Spain. On April 27th, 1937, General Franco, aided by the Nazi forces, launched a bombing attack on the citizens of Guernica on a market day. People from outside the town would have traveled in for this day. The market was hit deliberately and 1,600 people were killed. In the painting, you can see a screaming woman holding her dead child, an injured horse, a dead man, and other horrific scenes from this atrocity. The attack on Guernica was the first aerial civilian massacre of the modern era; many more aerial massacres were to follow in different places during WWII and, more currently, the war in Iraq.

The painting was in the Spanish Pavilion in Paris during the 1937 World Fair. Picasso did not want the piece returned to Spain for as long as General Franco’s regime lasted. It eventually ended in 1975. A tapestry of the piece was placed in the United Nations building in New York outside the Security Council. The image of an atrocity against unarmed civilians served to underline why the UN was formed. However, when the Security of Defense announced that the US would invade Iraq in 2003, a curtain was placed over the tapestry. This was blamed on the media needing a better background for filming and photography, however, in cases where the UN was giving aid to civilians, no curtain was needed. Whoever was in charge of making that decision did not want us to make the connection between that piece and the large amount of civilian casualties that would occur in Iraq following that announcement. I find it incredibly interesting that this piece still has meaning for viewers and continues to be thought provoking.

All of the information that I have on the history of Guernica has come from my Art History 100 class. Feel free to correct me if you think that I have gotten anything wrong, or comment if you have any thoughts on Guernica.

Feminism

2010-04-28T13:50:00.000-07:00

Was it ever?

A home

2010-04-27T13:34:00.000-07:00

I love red brick apartments and plan to live in one someday.

Artemesia Gentileschi

2010-04-27T00:22:00.001-07:00

Judith Slaying Holofernes, c. 1620
Artemesia Gentileschi
Oil on canvas, 1.99m by 1.625m
Uffizi, Florence.

Artemesia Gentileschi (1593- 1652/53) was an internationally renowned Roman artist who painted in the style of Caravaggio. Theatrical spotlight-like lighting (chiaroscuro), diagonals, detail, and rich colours used to create drama and expression were featured in paintings by both Gentileschi and by Caravaggio, a Roman painter who was crucial in developing the Baroque style (Adams 345). Although Gentileschi was an equally innovative and exciting artist, her works are often analyzed in relation to her gender, gender stereotypes, and her experience as a victim of rape and an unfair trial, instead of on the basis of her dialogue-provoking artwork, artistic identity, and her specific challenge to “gender expectations” (Garrard 77). The accounts of Henry Sayre and Mary Garrard differ in their approaches toward Gentileschi. In his survey book overview, Sayre explains Gentileschi’s subject matter in the context of her family life, upbringing, and the rape trial concerning herself and Agnostino Tassi, an artist who worked with both Gentileschi and her father, Orazio. Mary Garrard, however, does not use Gentileschi’s background to explain her subjects or style, and instead addresses the representation of female agency in her works.

In Henry Sayre’s overview of Gentileschi, he asserts that the underlying meaning for the violent representation of women in her Judith paintings is revenge on “lust-driven men in general” (Sayre 297). He also asserts that the character of Judith is a self-portrait and that she Gentileschi transforms her personal tragedy in her painting, due in part to the fact that the time period in which these pieces were created was around that of the trial (Sayre 296). Despite the differences in the faces of Gentileschi’s women, critics are quick to identify her face in many of her works, an act that suggests narcissism and supports gender stereotypes (Garrard 63). In contrast, if a male artist had undergone an equally traumatic experience, critics would not attempt to find his face in each of his paintings depicting men. Since Gentileschi was a woman, her artwork is treated differently. Garrard notes that Gentileschi, in an essay, is portrayed as “reactive” to other artists and outside influences and “rarely proactive” (73). In portraying her as mostly reactive, the author strips her of “independent agency” and denies her creative ability, enabling other critics to continue to analyze her works in strictly a biographical sense (Garrard 73). The focus of Sayre’s overview of Gentileschi, especially in the introduction, is on her as a victim of rape instead of her artistic prowess. In fact, Sayre goes as far as to state that it is “nearly impossible to see the paintings outside the context of her biography” (296). Mary Garrard, however, proves this statement wrong.

It is interesting to note the differences in the Sayre’s and Garard’s analysis of Gentileschi. Although both authors are viewing the same body of work, the focus of their analysis causes them to come to very different conclusions on Gentileschi’s work. Both authors agree that Gentileschi’s women are often strong “mythological and biblical heroines” and “female heroes” (Sayre 297; Garrard 73). Unlike the classical, feminine, and demure depictions of these women by her contemporaries, a depiction outlined in Firenzoula’s On the Beauty of Women, Gentileschi’s women are portrayed as active agents instead of sex objects or object of beauty (Garrard 65, 63). In her works, the viewer can see the strength in the arms of the women and the determination in their faces. They are real women, not idealized in their features and proportions. Instead of using the face to identify and analyze Gentileschi’s pieces, Garrard uses a distinct aspect of Gentileschi’s style: hands. The focus of Garrard’s essay is the active independent agency portrayed by the hands of Gentileschi’s female subjects and issues of gender in the criticism and analysis of her artwork. While male hands were allowed to have active movement, women’s hands were expected to rest limply on display in paintings, reflecting the ideal of a well bred, feminine, upper-class woman as an object of beauty and sex. Gentileschi broke away from that gendered artistic representation and utilized hands as effective agents. The emotion in Judith Slaying Holofernes is not in Judith’s face, but in her arms. Judith performs her task with a face set with concentration, while her tensed arms and the grasp of her hands on the sword and in Holofernes’ hair shows the intensity of her strength and determination. Likewise, her maidservant uses her strong arms to hold down Holofernes.

The maidservant, or working lower-class woman, is present in a number of Gentileschi’s paintings. Garrard notes that even in paintings in which the main female figure must be depicted in the style valued by patrons at that time, the classical, feminine, object of beauty, Gentileschi includes a strong woman with agency into the piece (71). For example, in David and Bathsheba, another story from the Old Testament, Gentileschi contrasts the “glamorous and passive” Bathsheba with a lower-class working woman (Garrard 71). As David, in the biblical story, and the viewer consider Bathsheba a sex object, by including the working woman into the piece, even in the context of woman as sex objects, Gentileschi is able to subtly remind the viewer of female agency.

In the analysis of male artists, traumatic or life altering events that the artist experiences are often presented as reasons for the artist’s subject matter and painting style. To remove Gentileschi’s work entirely from the context of her rape and subsequent trial would be to treat her differently than male artists. However, to deny the relevance of her gender would be as detrimental to her as the gender stereotypes used to deny her of agency (Garrard 77). In a period when women were expected to become primarily wives and mothers, Gentileschi, before and after becoming a wife and a mother, was also able to have an incredibly successful career. As an artist, she was a talented and innovative woman who challenged the expectations of both genders. While it is important to keep Gentileschi’s traumatic trial experience in mind, critics should not let it dictate how they view her work as a whole. Although the experience may have inspired the emotion in her paintings, in Judith Slaying Holofernes in particular, what should be of more interest to the viewer is the style, the subject matter, and Gentileschi’s skill, originality and creativity, not her past or the repercussions it may have caused in her works. A synthesis of the two approaches could be used in the analysis of Gentileschi’s paintings. While knowledge of an artist and what shaped her emotionally is necessary in the analysis of every artist’s work, it is more important to recognize the value of not only the artist’s, or Gentileschi’s, skill and individual agency, but also her incredible contribution to the world of art.

Works Cited

Adams, Laurie Schneider. A History of Western Art, Revised Fourth Edition. New York: McGraw-Hill, 2008. Print.

Garrard, Mary D and Norma Broude, ed. “Artemesia’s Hand.” Reclaiming Female Agency. California: U of California P, 2005. Print.

Sayre, Henry. “Artemesia Gentileschi and Caravaggisti Painting.” Discovering the Humanities. Pearson/Prentice Hall, 2008. Print.

Beautiful books

2010-04-26T22:59:00.000-07:00

This is what my life will look like.